Freedom
The Freedom of No Longer Needing an Apology
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Yesterday afternoon, I learned that a friend died.
We had a complicated sixteen-year friendship, and over those years he repeatedly wounded me. I won’t get into the details here.
This year, I had already reached a place where I was okay walking away without his understanding, acknowledgment or apology. I didn’t need him to participate in my closure.
Our last conversation was in March, shortly before I left for Nepal. He was brutally critical and dismissive, a dynamic that had existed between us for years. This time, I had no interest in engaging with it.
I ended the conversation, and that was the last time we spoke.
About a month ago, he called and didn’t leave a message. I saw the call, felt neutral about it, and had no desire to call him back.
Yesterday morning, I was thinking about our history and releasing what was left of it. I didn’t want the old pain or anger taking more of my energy.
I want to be light as a feather.
I was at peace knowing we might never speak again.
Then, yesterday afternoon, I learned that he had recently died.
The irony of the timing was profound.
Years ago, I understood forgiveness intellectually; embodying it was far different.
After a breakup filled with multiple betrayals, I spent nine months moving through shock, grief and anger, still wanting my ex-boyfriend to explain himself, acknowledge what he had done and apologize.
The circumstances of that release are a remarkable story of their own. I forgave him, let go of needing anything in return, and closed the chapter myself.
Reconciliation requires another person’s participation.
Reclamation does not.
We can let go without asking ourselves to see the past differently.
Requiring someone else’s acknowledgment or apology makes our freedom contingent on them.
The ending does not belong to the person who caused the pain. We do not need their permission to write it.
Read The Next One: THE DANGEROUS CHIP ON MY SHOULDER →
PLAY IN THE LIVING LAB →
ENJOY THE FULL LIBRARY:
The Dangerous Chip On My Shoulder
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I Threw Away Every Medal I Ever Earned
Instead Of A Promotion, I Got Fired
I Ran An Experiment With The Universe
People MisJudge High Performers
The Cost Of Other People’s Opinions Of You
Some books are discovered after they’re published.
This one can be experienced while it’s still unfolding.
What began with deep self-inquiry became the Courageous Heart Expedition—and now my first book. Stories, films, photographs, reflections and discoveries are coming together as the work continues to unfold. You’re invited to explore what I’m creating and find your way in.
My Latest…
The Living Lab
Life is a lab. It’s always open.
How much of your life did you actually choose?
Most of us inherit far more than we realize—beliefs, identities, fears, and subconscious programming that control how we see ourselves.
The Living Lab is an ongoing exploration of what we discover when we question what we’ve been taught, challenge the ego, examine our conditioning, and experiment with different ways of being.
Because once you see what you didn’t choose, you get to decide what comes next.
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